Dying Well

DYING WELL--

Facing death and all it involves takes courage and strength.

All of us know we will die some day, yet some are told that they have little time left to live.

Ira Byock, M.D. is a leader and educator in promoting quality care at the end of life.

When someone knows they are going to die soon, they face a list of issues as they approach death.

The process can be one of

emotional growth,

new insights, and even

relational and inner healing.

The following are Byock’s suggested questions to ask oneself (or a loved one)

when facing the inevitability of one’s death and also his suggested "end of life tasks":

Is there a …

Sense of completion with worldly affairs?

--the transfer of legal, financial and formal social responsibilities

Sense of completion in relationships with one’s community?

--the closure of social relationships (employment, congregational)

--components include:

expressions of regret,

expressions of forgiveness,

acceptance of gratitude and appreciation

--the saying of goodbye

Sense of meaning about one’s individual life?

--life review

--the telling of “one’s stories”

--transmission of knowledge and wisdom

Love of “self”?

--self-acknowledgement and forgiveness of self

Love of others?

--acceptance of worthiness and of forgiveness

Sense of completion in relationships with family and friends?

--reconciliation, fullness of communication and closure in each of one’s important relationships.

End of Life Tasks Include:

Expressions of regret,

expressions of forgiveness and acceptance,

expressions of gratitude and appreciation

as well as acceptance of gratitude and appreciation,

expressions of affection

The saying of goodbye

Acceptance of the finality of life--of one’s existence as an individual

Acknowledgement of the totality of personal loss represented by one’s dying

and experience of personal pain of existential loss

Expression of the depth of personal tragedy that dying represents

Acceptance of dependency

Sense of a new “self” beyond personal loss

Sense of meaning about life in general

Achieving a sense of awe

Developing/achieving a sense of comfort with chaos

Surrendering to the transcendent, to the unknown

“Letting go,” often with a sense of relief

----Personal growth is rarely easy no matter what stage of life we are in----

Facing imminent death and doing it in such a way that includes inner growth is exceptional.

But, it is valuable and meaningful for the person whose life is ending

and the family and friends who will be grieving the loss.