The Art of Parenting
Natural and Logical Consequences...
When natural and logical consequences are used as methods of training and correction:
they teach the child to take responsibility for their behavior choices.
they result in the child learning self-discipline.
the avoidance of a power struggle between parent and child results.
To be effective, the consequence needs to fit the behavior in a logical way
so that the child associates the consequence with the behavior choice.
The use of natural and logical consequences requires creativity
and patience
and consistency on behalf of the parent.
It is not the easiest form of disciplining children,
but it is a philosophy of parenting that is proven to be effective.
Natural Consequences:
Parents stay out of the way and they allow the real world to teach the child
“what happens when….”
For instance, if a child refuses to wear a sweater on a cold morning,
the natural consequence is to experience the cold without the sweater.
When a child refuses to eat what is served,
they will not get anything else to eat until the next meal.
A forgotten lunch at home = no lunch that day.
Refusal to complete homework or forgetting their homework =
getting “0” for their work and possibly discipline from their teacher.
Too often, parents are intervening in the development of a child’s character
in order to “save” their child
(and themselves)
from pain,
disappointment
and failure.
The world’s system is based on natural and logical consequences!
It is better that your child learn this system
and learn to take responsibility for their actions
than be surprised when they are out of your care
and/or blame consequences on everyone or everything around them.
Logical Consequences:
Parents plan a negative consequence that is LOGICALLY connected to the anticipated misbehavior.
They inform the child what the consequence will be and that the child is responsible for their action/choice.
When the child misbehaves, the consequence is put into effect and no negotiation is needed.
The power struggle that often ensues is not allowed.
Reminding the child, in a calm manner,
that they made the choice is the only needed verbal exchange.
(This is to be vocalized in a loving and empathic way
rather than a condemning, “I told you so,” manner. )
After the consequence has been administered
and the child has complied,
discussing what they chose and the resulting consequence is helpful.
This discussion “after-the-fact” assists in the training,
as the child will need to think through their options more effectively in the future
if they desire a better consequence for their choice!
Some examples of logical consequences that logically connect to misbehavior:
1. If child fusses or refuses to brush teeth...
no “extra” food is given at meals or between meals throughout the following day,
i.e. juices, desserts, snacks.
2. If child is late getting to bed,
earlier bedtime is implemented the next evening by pre-stated time.
3. If child draws on walls,
child cleans the walls.
4. If bedroom is left messy, after being directed to tidy it, toys and clothes that are not put where they belong are calmly collected by parent and removed from room.
Child may “earn” toys and clothes back by doing jobs around house.
Principles to remember for effectiveness:
Communicate the consequence prior to the offense, so the child knows the choices and resulting consequences (whenever possible and when the child is old enough to verbally understand).
Relate the consequence to the misbehavior so it makes sense to everyone involved!
Is the expectation/request/task and the consequence within the child’s capabilities?
The child has the freedom of choosing, so remain calm if they “choose” the consequence.
Follow through with the consequence and allow it to teach the lesson.
Some consequences take multiple times to experience before the child learns the lesson.
Be patient and consistent.
A helpful resource is Kevin Leman’s Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours. I bought my first copy of this book back in 1984, prior to being a parent, and have recommended it to countless parents over these 30 years of counselling others. My husband and I used this philosophy of parenting with our grown children and continue to, with our present pre-teen kids.
Parenting is often an art and mostly NOT a science.
Be creative and logical with consequences that make sense!
