Aggressive, Passive, Assertive. What's the difference?
Aggressive. Passive. Assertive.
Which are you and are you striving to be more effective in your communication with others?
How would you respond in the following scenarios?
Situation 1:
A co-worker keeps giving you some of their work to complete. You've decided to put an end to this.
Your co-worker has just asked you to do some more of their work. You say:
1. I'm kind of busy. But if you can't get it done, I guess I can help.
2. Forget it! It's about time YOU do it. You treat me like your slave and are so inconsiderate!
3. No, I'm not going to do any more of your work for you. I am tired of doing both my work and yours and will proceed with what my job description includes.
Situation 2:
You are the boss. It is within your employee's job description to pick up packages from customers. You say to your employee:
1. I'd like you to go over to Ms. Smith's and pick up a package. I'd appreciate it if you could do it by 3:00pm, please.
2. If you aren't too busy, well....Will you be going by Ms. Smith's today at some point?
3. Hey, it's about time you did something worthwhile! Go to Ms. Smith's and pick up a package. No back talk. Do it now!
Situation 3:
Your friend just mentioned going to a movie you've seen and don't want to see again. You say:
1. You always pick movies I don't like. You just think about yourself and never about what others want.
2. I have seen it and really don't want to see it again. How about a movie we both can agree on?
3. Well, I don't know. But, I guess, if you want to we can see it.
Situation 4:
Your parents have just called and said they are coming to visit tonight.
You already have plans for the evening that you do not want to change. You say:
1. Sure! I'd be glad to see you tonight. I have nothing planned that can't be rearranged!
2. Mom, I've seen you twice this week. Enough is enough! You are over here far too often and I need my space.
3. I am sorry that it is not workable, tonight. I already have plans.
Situation 5:
You are returning a faulty item to the store.
When you had bought it and gotten it home, you found a misweave in it.
You do not want the item as is. The clerk has just said no one will ever notice it. You say:
1. Well, I'd still like to return it or exchange it. I do not want this one, thank you.
2. Look! Give me my money back, now! I don't have all day to stand around and this product is horrible!!
3. Well, umm, are you sure no one will notice it?
What image comes to mind when you hear the word: "Aggressive?"
Typically, aggressiveness is hurtful and offensive to others and seems to purposefully cause conflict.
Loud.
Bossy.
Pushy.
Abusive.
Controlling.
Humiliating.
Embarrassing.
Reactionary.
What about the word: "Passive?"
With a passive approach, others are allowed to make the decisions leaving the passive one feeling misunderstood, taken advantage of, and results in decreased self-esteem.
Apathetic.
Push-over.
Mild-mannered.
Accommodating.
Easily manipulated.
Vulnerable.
Lesser-than.
Quiet.
______^______________________________^________________________________^___
AGGRESSIVE ASSERTIVE PASSIVE
If aggressiveness is on one end of the continuum
and passivity is on the other,
assertiveness is in the middle and the best, most effective way to communicate...
for everyone involved.
"Assertiveness:"
Direct.
Honest.
Responsible.
Confident.
Equal.
Clear.
Congruent.
Decisive.
Assertive behavior occurs when we enable ourselves to act in our best interest
and take responsibility for expressing our feelings, needs, and ideas honestly and directly.
Assertive behavior does not put down or hurt others in a directly purposeful way.
Assertiveness promotes self-respect and self-confidence,
encourages taking responsibility for self,
earns respect from others,
decreases stress,
facilitates openness and honesty in relationships,
improves decision-making skills,
strengthens self-esteem.
The differences between Aggressive, Passive and Assertive, simply put:
Aggressive person------>Respects Self; Disrespects Others
Passive person---------->Disrespects Self; Respects Others
Assertive person-------->Respects Self; Respects Others
Respect yourself and respect others. Be assertive!
